Lockdoon 2

Two munths oan an’ Ah’m still sat in this seat.
Drank gallons o’-tea, ate-a ton-o’ chips, pile o’ pies fulla meat.
Ma’ bellies swellin’, ma erse’s stuck, an’ ah canny see ma feet.
The chair’s creaking, the cushion’s hummin’, an’ ah need sumthin’ tae eat.

‘Don’t you dare think of movin’, we’re no’ finished yet.
There’s a new program ye need tae see. It’s part a’a set.’
Ye said that yesterday, the day before, an’ again when we furst met.
‘Ahm pittin oan weight, getting’ lazy, ma hair’s wrapped ina’ net.

‘Look. This new series will amaze ye’. It’s mysterious. An adventure.’
‘Its’ gote magicians, acrobats, and all sorts o’ entertainer.’
‘Go on, order a pizza, some crisps’ an’ a bottle-o’ ginger.’
‘An’, see the remote? Press 103, an’ select the X-Factor.’

‘OK, wan last programme, ‘cause Ah’m getting awfy heavy.’
Ah’ need tae change ma ways, an’ cut doon on the bevvy’
‘But, hey the magician is good, an’ ma pizza’s nearly ready.’
‘An we’re in Phase 3, near the end, wan mair day wulny hurt mi.’

‘Ah, yer right, go on, enjoy yersel’ while ye kin.’
‘It’s no’ often ye see such talent. Have a beer, settle in.’
‘It’s the hypnotist. Look intae his eyes. He’s about to begin.’
‘Listen to my voice. You feel heavy. Let yourself go. Let me in.’

It’s the middle o’ the night. I see my chair, the table and clock.
Ah’m feeling strange, been knocked oot, ever since that hypnotist talked.’
Ha ya Diddy, yer never gonny get oot noo, ye’ve been out-foxed.’
‘Whit’ve ye done? Ya swine! Ah canny move! Ah’m trapped inside The Feckin Box!’